Dear Daddy,
This is Andy. Aunt Lorri is helping me write this. Mommy said she
isn’t gonna write anymore because you don’t care enough about us to
visit. Is that true? Aunt Stine said it was only a mood swing, but
Mommy was up crying all night. I wasn’t suppose to know but I could
hear her from my room.
Why are you making Mommy sad? I don’t like Mommy sad because it
makes me sad. You always sign your letters “Love, Daddy.” Doesn’t
that mean you love us? Then why are you making us cry? I cried
yesterday because we went to the park and there were boys playing
with their Daddies but I don’t have a Daddy to play with.
Mommy is always worried because we don’t have enough money. She
hasn’t gotten new clothes since I was born. I use to think it was my
fault for being born but I know it isn’t. It’s your fault.
Why can’t you be a normal Dad and play soccer in the park with me?
And play dress up with Sophie and Harrison. And tease Olivia because
Mommy said that when you two were in love you would always tease
each other. (Olivia likes to tease too.) And eat blue jello with Wyatt;
he can show you how to make worms with jello and a straw. He
showed Mommy once and she laughed so hard she cried, but they were
happy tears. And snuggle with Isabella because she cries a lot.
Mommy says it is because she is sensitive. And help Elijah build
towers with his blocks because he always accidentally knocks them
down with his walker and that makes him mad. And you can run and
get in trouble with Jackson and then laugh at Mommy when her cheeks
turn red because she’s mad. And you could finger paint with Bridget
and make pictures that I don’t think are very pretty but Mommy says
they are beautiful. And watch birds and stars with McKenna because
she really likes to but Mommy can’t because she always has
something to do.
Aunt Annie says that if Mommy doesn’t calm down she will get sick.
Megan says that she is a Princess, even though she really isn’t, and
you could play with her. She wants a prince but I don’t like to dress
up. Especially with Megan because she gets really loud and hyper and
bossy.
Baby Maddie (who’s name is Madeleine) is so cute! If you saw her I
know you would stay! She is only 1 month old and very small.
Sometimes Mommy will let me hold her if I sit still on the couch. She
cries a lot, almost as much as Isabella. You could sing to her because
Mommy says you are good at singing.
You might have a hard time playing with Autumn because she doesn’t
like you. I know, it is very mean! But she says that if you don’t like us
then she doesn’t have to like you. Mommy says we should love
everybody, but we don’t have to necessarily like everyone. Maybe you
could get Autumn to like you and then take pictures with her because
she says she wants to be a photographer when she grows up. And
Zaccy loves to rollerblade but Mommy doesn’t have time because she
always has to take care of us.
When one of the babies or Megan asks about you, Mommy says that
you are away building a beautiful castle in the sky for us. Me, Zaccy
and Autumn are smart though, because we know she doesn’t know
where you are. She just doesn’t want the babies to miss you too. I
also want you here because Mommy wants you here, even though she
won’t admit it. She always says we are just as good without you but I
think she would be happier with you here.
Sometimes, after the babies and Megan and Madeleine are in bed, me,
Mommy, Zaccy and Autumn will sit in the front yard and look at the
stars and make up stories about you. Like once, I made one that you
and me went on a pirate ship and brought Mommy a treasure chest so
she wouldn’t have to worry about money. And she made one up that on
Christmas morning you came and said you didn’t care what the public
thought, that you were going to live with us. Autumn made one up that
you were really a King of another country who was at war and that you
became a hero, and then when it was safe you took us all home.
Zaccy said that maybe you were a mad scientist that had accidently
deformed himself and you were too embarassed to be seen in public.
Mine are all make believe but I think that Autumn’s are excuses for you
and Mommy’s are more wishes.
Why do you care about what some total strangers think? Will they
hurt you if you admit you have people who love and miss you? I’m
sorry Daddy, but I don’t understand. Mommy said that God loves
everybody and that Him and Jesus are perfect. God lives with His
children (Mommy said that we are His children and that He is
everywhere) so why can’t you?
Please don’t think I hate you Daddy. I do love you. But Aunt Stine,
Aunt Lorri and Aunt Annie have to go home soon and Mommy will be
alone again. She is scared because she said she might go nuts. But
then she laughed and said she must already be nuts for having so
many kids. Mommy said you were there when everybody was born but
now that she isn’t having anymore babies you won’t have an obligation.
Was I an ugly baby? Is that why you don’t come visit? I have seen
pictures of Zaccy when he was a baby and he was very cute. Autumn
couldn’t have been ugly because she is beautiful. Megan and the
babies are cute so it couldn’t be them. And Maddie is so cute that
strangers tell us so. So it must be me. Or maybe it is you. Mommy
said that she was usually the stubborn one but that if you put your
head to it, you were too.
Maybe you are just too afraid that you might actually have someone
other than your Mommy and Daddy and brothers and sisters care for
you. Maybe you are scared of Mommy because you don’t know if she
feels the same way you do about things but you don’t know how to
ask. Maybe you are scared of Autumn, me, Megan, Zaccy, the babies
and Maddie because you are afraid that you will like us and then we’ll
die.
Mommy said you both had a friend who died and that scared you. But
don’t be Daddy because Jesus is playing soccer with them right now.
Oh, Aunt Lorri said it is that Jesus is bowling and that is what the
thunder is.
Me, Aunt Lorri, the babies, Zaccy, Autumn and Megan are all in the
front room either on the couch bed or the big chairs because we are
scared of the bowling. Zaccy is playing his Gameboy in the chair with
Jackson in his lap. Autumn says she’s only in here to help but
everytime it booms she jumps so I think she is just as scared. Mommy
is sitting at the breakfast table trying to figure out, “If I want Elijah,
Isabella and McKenna to have their medicine this month or if I want to
feed everyone.”
Aunt Stine said it is good the hospital didn’t make us pay for Maddie.
The hospital said it was their way of donating. We are going to be on
the Rosie O’Donnell show in a couple of days and Mommy says that
Rosie will know who you are.
Everybody is crying because we are watching the Lion King and
Simba’s Daddy just died. Sometimes I feel like my Daddy has died
because I don’t know him. Well, that’s all I can think of to write and
Aunt Lorri says it is almost time for bed. Mommy is crying again right
now because she says she will have to give up some more things so
we can have enough money. People send us money to help but it still
isn’t enough.
Even though Mommy has a lot of friends, I think she is lonely for you.
Well I am going to go give Mommy a big hug and kiss, just like I always
do, and tell her everything is going to be all right. Maybe you will
come and swipe her off her feet and help with Maddie and stay with us
so we can be a family. You can take me out for ice cream after soccer
practice and since two people will be paying the bills Mommy can
relax. And you can help me be a better goalie because Mommy is too
busy and my Aunts all stink at soccer (sorry Aunt Lorri.) Well
Goodnight.
Love,
P.S. This is Lorri now. I did not in any way change this. I only typed and corrected Andy in that one part. I
typed exactly what he said to me.
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Andy Brezinski