The Pulse
The air is thick with smoke and heavy with sweat and just to breathe is to defile your body with the tears and fears of everyone around you. There is no privacy here. It's not about isolation or protecting yourself or hiding who you are. Nobody cares anyways. Because when you get here, you're no longer yourself. You've lost your identity and are now nothing more and nothing less than one pulse of something large, something unidentifiable, something indescribable, something larger than you could ever be on your own. The lights make you blind, the sounds make you deaf and you, like everyone else, are hopelessly helpless and yet there's no one to take advantage. Only here can you offer yourself so completely up and have no fear of rejection, no fear of pain, no fear of being misused or abused, because everyone is disposable, yet everyone is irreplaceable. No one can hurt you because to do so would be to take everything down, to destroy everything, suicide. And nobody here wants suicide because nothing is that bad. Nothing is even sort of bad here. Everything just is, and all you feel is the music and each other. But that's the trade off. The contract. You don't get in unless you give yourself completely, so you have to take that initial leap of faith, but once you do... once you do, there's no going back,. But nobody wants to go back anyways. It's only by absolute force that everyone eventually quits, that the spell is broken, that everyone is forced out into the night, bleary-eyed and misty-minded, wondering if it was ever real, wondering if they remember correctly, wondering that they can't remember anything, wondering if they'll ever be there again.
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Dedicated to the Aaron and Sean who introduced me to the pulse.
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