Bella’s Point of View
I was cold and miserable and wet and angry. At everything. At the sun taunting me with its lack of warmth, at the snow for not being half so soft as it looked, at the heavy sweater that, instead of keeping me warm, held the moisture of sweat and snow against my skin. At Alice for looking so adorable as she zipped back and forth on her skis. At Emmett and Jasper for not being able to turn me miraculously into some amazing skier. At myself for being such a stupid klutz.
And at Lauren Mallory for being so disgustingly in her element. Not only did she look almost as pristine as Rosalie in her perfect little outfit, she could ski with the best of them. I had witnessed as much during the twenty minutes I had let my friends drag me out to a bunny hill to see if maybe I might possess some unexpected talent. I did not. And after twenty minutes of sharp landings on packed snow, I called it quits and stomped back up to the lodge in a huff, not missing the short wave Lauren gave me as she sped off with Edward, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper for the bigger slopes. She was out there even now, boarding with my friends, flying down the snow with—
“Toss in the towel already?" I turned away from the window as Jessica approached, her cheeks red and her hair damp as she stripped off her heavy coat. After retreating inside, I had been sending daggers at the mountain, blaming it for my clumsiness, unwilling to admit how badly I wanted to be out there. I hadn’t even wanted to come on this trip, and now I wished with all my heart I could be out there, soaring down the mountain with Emmett and Alice and . . . and Edward. It had happened in one of my dreams the night before, so why couldn’t it be a reality? If it could come true, perhaps some of the others could . . .
Jessica was still talking, explaining, “I think I’m getting worse as I get older. It was so embarrassing! I could hardly stand upright.”
“Yeah, now you know I feel on a daily basis,” I snorted. I had meant it to sound cruel, because I was in a cruel mood. I was grumpy as hell. I had hardly slept at all, kept awake by whispers and giggles and loud music. On the rare occasion I managed to slip into a light sleep, the dreams would crash down on top of me, and I’d awake, gasping for breath, long before I wanted to. I’d given up before daybreak and watched the sun rise with Alice, popping open the window in the slanted ceiling above her bunk and peeping out with her like two prairie dogs.
I
t must not have sounded half as cruel as I wanted, though, because she just laughed, “I know. But at least you can use it to your advantage. I mean, I saw James catch you when you were getting out of the sleigh . . .” She sighed wistfully and shook her head. “I wish I wasn’t so graceful.” I hadn’t ever thought of her as particularly graceful, but still, what an absurd wish.
“Trust me, you don’t. There’s nothing graceful about getting a personalized Christmas card from the staff of the hospital every year.” I turned back to the window. From this vantage point, people were just black dots dripping down the white sheet. Squint as I might, I couldn’t distinguish Alice’s blue ski suit, or even Rosalie’s dazzling gold ensemble, from anyone else’s. I labeled dots regardless. There was Emmett racing Rosalie. There were Alice and Jasper, darting back and forth in front of each other. There was Edward and of course Lauren close by. “Besides, if I wasn’t so ungraceful, I could be out there right now.”
“Well what’s stopping you?” I spun again to see James grinning at me, melting snow sparkling in his blond ponytail. Jessica nearly choked as he yanked his sweatshirt over his head, momentarily exposing his toned stomach.
I rolled my eyes to hide where they had been and argued, “Please, James. You know exactly what’s stopping me. Why aren’t you out there, though?”
He shrugged, “I needed a break. Catch my breath, you know? But hey, even if you aren’t skiing, you still shouldn’t be hiding out in here. Care to make a snowman with me?”
“A snowman?”
“Yeah. It’s when you roll snow into big balls and stack them on top of each other—“
“I know what a snowan is,” I interrupted. “But it’s not exactly high on my list of fun things to do. I hate the snow and I hate the cold and I hate the wet and—“
“So you hate the world in general. But this way when everyone comes in, instead of saying you moped around for four hours, you can say you frolicked in the snow and had a grand old time.”
His argument wasn’t very convincing when I remembered the numbness that would attack my ears and nose and fingers even heavily clothed. My hesitation, surprisingly enough, had nothing to do with James himself – in fact, in general, I was liking him more the longer I was around him. The knowledge that he and Lauren had hooked up at the Halloween Party had a bit of an ick factor, but then I had been trying pretty hard to hook up with Edward, so I couldn’t really judge them that. And yeah, he had kept trying to hold my hand on the sleigh ride, but when I finally told him point blank to stop it, he had, and he hadn’t let me fall flat on my face when I was stepping down.
“Come on. Keep me company. I mean, I showed you my special spot . . .”
“What does that mean?” Jessica snickered, and James winked at her while I rolled my eyes.
“He showed me a bench from which to watch the stars,” I explained, giving him a stern look. I wanted no part in the rumors. However, reminding me of it was a good tactic on his part, because that had a lot to do with my non-dislike of him.
It turned out James hadn’t been lying when he’d offered on the sleigh ride to really show me the stars. I had accused it of being an innuendo and he’d told me to get my mind out of the gutter. Then against my better judgment, I had wandered off alone with him . . . and he didn’t do anything. Hadn’t tried to hold my hand, hadn’t tried to seduce me, hadn’t asked any leading or intrusive questions. The spot he had showed me was one he’d found on his own senior trip, a narrow path leading up to a bench very near the top of the mountain that our lodge was nestled into. From there, we could look down at the bonfires, or across the valleys at the rolling line of dense trees, or, most incredibly, straight out at the stars. It felt like we were sitting in the night sky. He alternated between talking incessantly and silently staring straight up, both of which made me a bit uncomfortable because I could no longer figure out what his intentions were. Not that I expected him to haul out and assault me or anything, but I knew I’d been gambling a bit wandering off with a boy who had propositioned me so vehemently before. But like I said, he didn’t do a single thing. Surely if he meant something by it, he would have been sitting closer or putting his arm around me or something. But when I’d finally gotten cold enough that I’d considered snuggling closer to him, he’d just suggested we go back inside before I froze to death. The path was twisting and steep enough in the dark that he had to hold my arms when we walked down, and, to be entirely honest, I didn’t really mind. It had been a pleasant end to an already wonderful evening. I was glad I had trusted him.
All of this I remembered as he held his hand out to me now and stuck his bottom lip out. I glanced down at his extended fingers, which he quickly pulled back, assuring me with an apologetic grin, “I promise I won’t try to hold your hand or anything.”
Since seeing James in the airport terminal, my gut instinct had been that he was up to no good. But he hadn’t actually done anything to earn my suspicions yet, and he was right. When Lauren came bubbling in to tell me all about how beautiful Edward Cullen looked with the wind ripping through his hair . . . well, I could tell her how warm James’ laugh was when he and I packed snow together . . . let her think what she wanted.
“Jessica? You coming?” I asked, and her surprise made me pity her. Of course, she was used to being Lauren’s wingman and having to get lost when a male entered the scene. My invitation made her hesitate, like she thought maybe I was just being polite, but when I gave her a pleading look she beamed and pulled her coat back on. Besides, she was a buffer just in case James did try anything. If I had just disappointed his intentions, though, he covered it and simply looked happy to have our company.
So the three of us wandered outside to a relatively flat area near a tree line where no one could possibly run into us, where the snow was a bit looser. We were still on a slight slope, and I managed to slip three times, and Jessica slipped twice, though I wasn’t too sure hers weren’t intentional. James helped us up every time, laughing at clumsy girls and our weird lack of balance. We made three snowmen, only one of which was any good. One had a bit of a hunchback, and another’s head was way too small. James and Jessica donated hats and scarves for the few minutes needed to snap pictures with Jessica’s camera, coming up with the silliest poses we could think of with our snow posse.
It was . . . fun. We ate lunch together, sitting at a table already occupied by Mike, Angela, Ben, and Tyler. Alice was nowhere to be found, but I didn’t mind this new group. I admit it; I enjoyed myself, even without my best friend by my side. Mike begged Jessica to “give it another go,” and if there’s one thing you will never see, it’s Jessica Stanley telling Mike Newton “no.” So off she went with them, leaving James and me alone at the table.
“So . . .”
“So . . .”
“You know, you really don’t need to stay here. I know this is the last day to really be out there and I’ll feel bad if you spend it all here.”
“I won’t.”
I hesitated, then warned, “James, I—“
“No, what I meant,” he interrupted, holding up his hands in a signal of peace, “Is that I go boarding almost every weekend. But I’m usually with a bunch of ugly, sweaty guys. Emmett, for instance. I would much rather just relax with a beautiful girl.”
Disconcerted by the compliment, I started again, “James, I—“ but instead he suggested, “How about this. I know you want to be out there. You can deny it all you want, but I see how you keep eyeing that mountain.” Actually, I was watching for Alice, but yeah, I wouldn’t mind being capable of racing down the slopes.
“It would take a miracle to get me out there,” I snorted.
He grinned at that and, throwing his arms open wide, bellowed, “Well here I am!” He laughed at my incredulous look and added, “Bella, I’m an instructor. I usually spend my entire winter at a resort teaching kids and old people to ski. If anyone can get you going, it’s me.” I wondered if he was aware of the double entendre –his speech was littered with them. If I brought it up as I had on the sleigh ride, though, he would just tell me to get my mind out of the gutter, and I didn’t want to be labeled the perverse one when he seemed oblivious of his own phrasing. Instead he seemed so confident about his offer that I was having a hard time arguing, even knowing my own inability as well as I did.
“Maybe no one can,” I offered, but he pleaded, “Trust me? At least let me try.”
I caved. I don’t know why, but I caved. Something about the intensity of his look, or the confident smile. Maybe I just wanted to prove him wrong, I don’t know. Whatever the reason, I relented and allowed him to help me re-suit. Having tried skis in the morning, he suggested maybe we should try snowboarding instead. Some people found boarding easier, and besides, he argued that it’s more difficult to break your leg than on skis.
At first I trudged along awkwardly in my boots, but he finally convinced me to stand on the board and let him push me across the snow to the smallest hill he knew of. “It’ll help with your balance, too,” he explained, latching my feet into the board and then helping me jump up. I teetered and nearly plummeted forward, but he quickly caught me around the waist and held me upright. “Sorry. I know I promised not to hold your hand, Bella, but—“
“Just don’t let me fall!” I pleaded, all anxiety towards him replaced by anxiety over the amount of bodily harm I was about to inflict on myself. It was terrifying not to be able to freely move my legs. Any slight twitch of any part of my body shifted my balance and made me fall forward or backwards. I felt like I had no control of my own body. I was tight-rope walking and the second he let go I would face-plant.
He was still holding my waist and laughed, “All right, all right. Now stand up straight. I won’t let you fall, just stand tall.” I did as he instructed, relieved that he seemed more than capable of holding me steady. Of course, with the abs he had given me and Jessica a glimpse of . . . “Okay, now bend your legs a bit. Good, now shift your hips forward and back and see what that does to the board.” I did just that, staring down at the board as it shifted beneath me. “See, you control the board by moving your weight around. Now I’m just going to push you along, and you can try to steer.”
Walking beside me and holding my waist to keep me from wiping out, he encouraged me to lean my weight to the left or the right, illustrating how easily the slightest movement influenced the board. When he jogged us a bit quicker down a slight dip in our path, he had me lean towards the back of the board, showing how it slowed me down by digging into the snow.
“All right. The baby hill,” he teased when we’d finally reached it. “First, I’ll teach you how to safely wipe out—“
“What!?”
“Calm down, will you? This will keep you from going too fast.” He ran with me, then suddenly jumped onto the board, his feet each behind mine. As I screamed, he turned us so that the board was going horizontally down the hill, plowing the snow instead of gliding gracefully on top. Only a second later, he leaned back to land sitting on the hill, me perched on his lap and our legs tangled with the board.
“Stop laughing! That was terrifying! Why didn’t you tell me you were going to do that?” I scolded, giving his shaking shoulders a hard shove.
“Bella, you can’t scream like that,” he insisted, shaking his head. “People are going to think I’m murdering you over here.”
“I’m not so sure you aren’t!”
He frowned, “Didn’t you see what that did, though? How when you turn the board sideways, there’s all the friction that slows you down until you can just sit down?”
“Yes, but I don’t think the snow is quite as soft as your lap, so I’m still going to get hurt,” I retorted. Then, realizing what I’d said, it wasn’t only the cold making my cheeks pink.
To his credit, James said nothing about it, though by the grin he’d clearly tucked it away in his mind. Instead he helped me up and we did it again. And again. Until the fourth time, when he had me try it on my own, running alongside me but not touching me. When I twisted the board, I fell forward instead of back, but he somehow managed to grab my waist before I hit the ground.
“Told you I wouldn’t let you fall,” he reminded with a grin. “But you let your shoulders go forward. Everything has to go back. You aren’t going to hurt your ass by falling on it, so stop trying to protect it.”
“Are you trying to tell me I have a fat ass?” I demanded, trying to look angry. It occurred to me that I was joking with him perhaps a bit too familiarly but the adrenaline was beginning to take over. I was doing much better with him than I had with Emmett and Jasper.
“You have a perfect ass, Bella. Now let’s try it again,” he suggested, pulling me back upright before I could formulate a response.
I succeeded this time and though it hurt a bit, not nearly as bad as I had expected. I’d be sore as hell tomorrow, but I could see how it was worth it, even for just those few seconds of gliding effortlessly across the ground. What an amazing feeling! Free and weightless and graceful. That wasn’t something I got to feel . . . ever, really.
He had me try it a couple more times before admitting, “Bella, you aren’t going to need me much longer. I think you’re ready to do a run.”
“What?!”
“Just a small one,” he laughed at my shriek. “Why don’t you slide down to that tree? Keep your weight towards the back of the board. If you feel yourself going too fast, just twist and sit.”
I bit my lip, but he seemed so confident that I decided to give it a try, if only to show him that I wasn’t ready for it. He helped me stand, then gave me a gentle shove and began jogging to the tree he’d pointed out only a few yards away. It was a straight shot, and I actually went a bit further than I’d intended before twisting and sitting down. When he reached me, I just stared at my board.
“What, is something wrong?”
“I . . . I did it.”
He grinned and nodded, “Yeah, you did.”
“No . . . I did it.”
“Yep. Five whole yards,” he teased. “Told you I’d get you going. Now let’s get you going further.”
My confidence in James by this point was solid. He was right; he was a good teacher. Somehow he was managing to circumvent my walking disability. He helped me work on my balance so that I could actually ride a distance with the board sideways, instead of sitting down immediately. Since speed was my fear and my instinct was to ditch as soon as I gathered any, this was a good alternative to having to restart every few seconds.
After at least an hour, I couldn’t feel my fingers or my toes and the only way I knew my nose was still on my face was because it was running and raw from my wiping at it with the back of my gloves. Gross but unavoidable. We had graduated to a slightly longer hill, and after retrieving his board, James would whiz down it ahead of me to meet me at the bottom in case I fell forward – it had happened twice now, but he had caught me both times, cushioning my fall against the hard snow. The poor guy was going to be black and blue from it but he seemed sincere when he insisted he didn’t mind. He tried to explain that guys liked getting beat up and showing off their extreme sports injuries. It wasn’t something I could understand; bruises always embarrassed me, a physical reminder of my abusive relationship with the world.
“Are you ready for the next size hill, you think?” he asked, applauding proudly for me when I plopped down on the snow at the bottom. I slid a few feet on my backside and grimaced at the feel of snow pushing its way up the back of my coat. It was worth it, though. I could finally understand why people made a vacation out of throwing themselves down the mountain. That feeling of just flying was intoxicating. I’d been light-headed for half an hour at the rush of the ground beneath me and the wind against my face. And I wasn’t even going that fast – James could keep up with me by running.
I made a face, then giggled, “I think so! But maybe only a little bit longer because I can’t feel my body anymore. I think there’s more snow in my pants than on the ground . . .”
“Yeah,” he laughed. “And your cheeks are pretty red. You probably should have been putting on sunscreen.”
“Well thanks for telling me!” I glared, but of course I wasn’t actually mad at him. How could I be? He had just sacrificed his afternoon to do the impossible and teach me to snowboard.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t think of everything, princess,” he retorted with a roll of his dark eyes. “Come on; stand up and I’ll push you. You’re lucky you have me or you’d be having to take that board on and off every single time.”
“Yeah, you’ll probably be sore tomorrow from hauling me around, huh?”
He pounded his fist against his stomach, “S’all right. Good workout, you know? Six packs don’t maintain themselves.”
“Uh huh,” I shook my head, accepting his board. “Show off.” I shrieked as he suddenly grabbed my waist and took off running. I could only imagine how hard it was to actually run through the snow with your torso twisted like that, trying to hold an ungraceful girl upright. He couldn’t do it for long, and anyways soon he was pulling me up a steeper hill. These runs weren’t large enough to earn lifts, but I was still intimidated as we reached the top and he pointed to the bottom. Of course, by an actual boarder’s perspective, it was nothing, but it was still longer and steeper than the ones I had attempted before, and I felt my stomach twisting anxiously.
“Bella, you look like you’re going to faint. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea—“
“No, I can do this,” I quickly cut him off. “I can do this. It’s not much bigger.”
“Are you sure? I mean, we can always just tell people you were tearing up the mountain . . .” I didn’t care what other people thought, though. This was for my own sense of accomplishment. We were quite near the main run that most of the skiers and snowboarders had been using, and I watched them for a second to give my heart time to settle itself back into my chest. My classmates were gliding so easily down the mountain, twisting and turning without any apparent difficulty. I envied them, but I felt proud of myself for all I’d done so far, and proud that they would at least see me out here. I might not be good, but I hadn’t given up. Tenacity must count for something.
“Okay, I’m ready,” I finally announced. My heart was still racing but I was drawing slow and steady breaths, and my mind was focused: all I could see was the hill before me. “I can do this.”
James patted my shoulder, “I know you can. Just remember, weight towards the back. If you feel like you’re losing control, twist and ditch early and you can start again.”
“Right, right.” I gave him a nervous smile, turned, and threw myself down a mountain. Well, a baby mountain.
Looking back, I’d like to think I could have made it. I mean, without falling. Because I did indeed make it to the bottom. In fact, I almost made it to the bottom still standing.
I was floating down, wobbling but keeping upright, not going too fast but at least going, when suddenly I heard Alice gasp, “Bella! You’re snowboarding!”
Well not anymore. As soon as she spoke, I lost my concentration. Before I could even think about twisting and sitting, I fell to the side, landing on my shoulder while my head slammed against the packed snow. I wasn’t done yet, though. The momentum I had gathered kept me rolling sideways, the board twisting over me and around me, dragging my legs limply along. I think at one point, maybe multiple times, my feet went over my head and I turned an actual somersault, but I really can’t be sure because I was just a mass of board, body, legs and arms. My hat and goggles went flying as I clamped my arms protectively around my head.
My body came to a stop what felt like an eternity later but my mind continued to roll as a mass of people suddenly threw themselves to the snow around me. I squeezed my eyes shut, afraid I was going to throw up at the spinning world.
“Bella!” Alice shrieked.
James was instantly at my side, ordering, “Bella, don’t move, whatever you—“
“Get the hell away from her!” someone else was ordering, and sudden movement made it feel like maybe James was shoved away. “What the fuck, James? Where’s her helmet?”
“I—we were just . . .” It hadn’t occurred to me to grab a helmet, and apparently it hadn’t to James either, and I was glad he sounded suddenly guilty. Some instructor he was! Sunscreen was the least of my worries!
Alice had grabbed my arm but Emmett was suddenly warning, “No, Alice, don’t touch her. Just in case—“
“In case what?!” she cried.
Rosalie’s voice was near my head, her hands pressed delicately to my face as she asked, “Bella? Bella, can you hear me? Jasper went to flag down patrol—“
“Bella, if you can hear us, I want you to squeeze my hand.” I felt someone grab my hand and finally my brain was beginning to settle. The world was still spinning but I could begin to make out the faces hovering above me. Alice looked on the verge of tears, and Rosalie looked calm but concerned.
James suddenly popped into view again, gushing, “Fuck, Bella, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think about—“
“Back the fuck up, James.” It was Edward who hissed at him, Edward who was holding my hand, waiting for the squeeze. He looked furious.
“Ed- Edward?” I’m not sure why his was the first name I said. I was struggling to comprehend why he was there – why was he holding my hand again?
Alice sighed, “Oh, Bella!”
She sounded relieved, but Edward’s gaze remained hard as he leaned closer and answered, “Right here, Bella.” My vision suddenly rolled again and I groaned. I just knew I was going to throw up. My brain was convinced I was still rolling down the mountain, and his face was blurring in and out of focus. “Bella, can you squeeze my hand?” I managed to do that, and the action helped me brain settle the tiniest bit, as though it realized that actually my body was quite still. “Good girl. Can you feel your feet? Can you wiggle your toes?”
“I – yeah – oh, don’t call patrol!” I suddenly gasped, trying to get up. Rosalie’s arms gripped my shoulders before I’d risen at all, keeping me firmly against the snow.
I felt someone tugging on my feet, undoing the latches on the snowboard, as Edward ordered, “You have to lay still, Bella. That was a pretty bad fall.”
“Pretty bad?! She looked like a cartoon character!” Alice wailed. She turned her gaze to James, “How could you do this to her?”
“She was doing fine! We’ve been out here for almost two hours and she hadn’t fallen until you yelled at her!” he defended himself, and while I didn’t like how he was talking to Alice, he did have a point. My loyalties were rolling as quickly as the tree line behind Edward’s head.
“Bella, stop squirming,” Edward ordered again. “If you’re hurt, you’re only going to make it worse.”
“I’m just really dizzy,” I insisted. “Nothing’s broken, I don’t—oh, ugh, ow!” I yelled as Edward grabbed my other wrist to keep me from twisting. He instantly let go but the fire had started in my wrist and was creeping up my arm.
“Is it broken?” Alice asked him as if Edward would just magically know.
He gritted his teeth, “It’s not snapped but it might be fractured.” What was he, a doctor? I didn’t even think about wiggling my fingers; it hurt too badly.
Patrol suddenly arrived and my friends jumped back as they dove forward to get to work. My entire body was blushing as they carefully snapped a neckbrace on, rolled me onto a board, and loaded me onto the snowmobile despite my loud protests. Someone was going to pay for this.
I managed to convince the staff that I didn’t need to go to the hospital, but I still spent half an hour in the medical office with Rosalie, being poked and prodded by the on-site doctor. Fortunately, he agreed with me: I hadn’t fractured my skull, my neck and spine were fine, and my wrist wasn’t broken. After wiggling my fingers and following a light with my eyes and touching my nose and walking in a straight line, he finally wrapped my wrist and set me free.
I glared at everyone sitting outside waiting for me as Alice barreled into me, throwing her arms around my shoulders, “Oh, Bella, I thought you were going to be paralyzed.”
“I’m fine,” I grumbled, wincing against the soreness in my muscles. She saw my wrapped wrist and let out a small yelp, but I insisted, “Really. I’m sore and I have a headache and I sprained my wrist, but I’m fine. I did not need to be care-flighted out.” I glared at Edward as I said this, apparently blaming him and only him for my mortification. The entire class had watched the emergency vehicle, and I could see a good number peering curiously over at us from the couches or tables. Who did they expect to see walking out of the doctor’s room? Of course it would be Bella Swan.
Edward clearly felt the heat of my look and scoffed, “You can glare all you want, Bella, we did the right thing. Your neck could have been broken.”
“Well I’m not even concussed. I just fell. I’m used to it.”
“
Which is a miracle seeing as you weren’t even wearing a helmet. What were you thinking?”
“It’s not your job to lecture her, Daddy Cullen,” James mumbled, which earned him a scathing glare.
“Don’t think for a second I’m done with you,” Edward hissed. “Play all you want, James, but not when it’s putting her in danger. You could have gotten her killed—“
“Edward, drop it. You weren’t wearing a helmet, either,” I pointed out.
Again he turned to me, “I don’t trip on my own two feet.”
“Edward, leave her alone,” Alice intervened, wrapping her arm around my waist and pulling me forward while shooting him a glare. “Let’s catch the next van back, Bella. We’ll get you some hot chocolate and you can put your feet up.” I didn’t like being taken care of, but it was such a wonderful idea that I couldn’t argue. I just wanted to be out of these wet clothes and out of line of all the prying eyes. She let go of me to grab our bags that someone had retrieved while I’d been treated, and I guess that was all the opportunity my clumsiness needed to remind me that Edward was right.
I stumbled on the upturned edge of the carpet. I don’t think I even would have actually fallen, but Edward and James quickly grabbed my arms anyways, and for a brief second I felt like the chew toy between two rabid dogs. The violent glares they shot each other around me were enough to send my head spinning because clearly something was going on between the two of them. I couldn’t understand why Edward was so angry at James and I couldn’t understand why James was suddenly so protective of me against Edward and I just wanted them to go away.
“James . . .” Edward growled lowly in warning. James just continued to glare silently back. But honestly, what right did he have to be threatening James? It had been an accident! It wasn’t even James’ fault!
“Enough, Edward,” I snapped back, ripping my arm from his grip and stumbling against James. Edward glanced wildly from my face to James’, then suddenly turned and stomped off, his murderous glare sending even Lauren skirting out of his way. She had apparently been watching the whole thing, leaning against the wall with Jessica, Mike, and Tyler.
I didn’t feel bad about it until we were finally in one of the vans headed back. I was wedged in between Alice and Rosalie, my head against Alice’s shoulder as I tried to ignore the stiffness in my neck. I was beyond grateful Rosalie had stepped into her role of chaperone and assured the other teachers she and Emmett would look after me. Her idea of looking after me would be far less overbearing than some teacher worried about the wrath of my father against the school. Really, Charlie wouldn’t be too surprised when he learned I got hurt. And anyways, he had told me to go on this stupid trip anyways. Just like he’d told me to go to the Halloween party. For a relatively intelligent man, he gave stupid advice.
James was in the row in front of me and Edward was behind me, and once again I could feel the tugging on either side. James kept glancing back at me with guilt-ridden concern; Edward had made a point of not looking at me the one time I had twisted to send him an apologetic smile. Lauren sat primly beside him, and he conversed with her the entire ride. I thought about making some joke about how I couldn’t protect him if he was going to sit by her all the time, or maybe even laugh that James had been teaching me to board so I could go rescue him from Lauren. Something about the scowl on his face consumed me with guilt, because when I played the scene outside of the doctor’s room again, I couldn’t decide if my memory was screwing with me or what. When I remembered it, he hadn’t looked so angry when he’d stomped off, but more hurt than anything. And really, that made sense, because he was just looking out for me, just concerned for my well being, and I had gone and yelled at him and shoved him away and clung to James as if to choose James’ help over his. Edward was right on so many accounts. I should have been wearing a helmet. And for all they had known, I was really hurt. How long had they been crouching over me before I’d managed to respond? I didn’t think I’d blacked out, but the entire thing had been so confusing.
Anyways, I wouldn’t have been so snippy with him if my neck had been broken and he’d just saved me from paralysis by keeping me still.
By the time Emmett grabbed me around the waist and lifted me out of the van, I felt like an utter bitch. I paused on the sidewalk, waiting for Edward to jump out of the van, even though Alice was trying to tug me inside. Edward hesitated as well, and I seized the hope that maybe our tempers had fizzled out.
Quickly grabbing his arm, I frowned, “Look, Edward, I’m sorry I—“
“Forget it,” he interrupted, yanking his arm roughly away. Lauren jumped down after him and he moved to follow her. He had been waiting for her.
“No, I just—“
“I said forget it, Bella. Go throw yourself down a mountain without a helmet or whatever it is you want to do. See if I care anymore.”
It felt like he’d punched me in the stomach. The breath rushed quickly from my lungs and the blood rushed into my cheeks and I could feel the stinging at the edges of my eyes. That was beyond uncalled for.
James was instantly in front of me, yelling at Edward’s back, “Fuck you, Edward. Go fuck yourself.” Edward didn’t react at all, just followed Lauren and Jessica up the stairs.
“What the fuck, man,” Jasper muttered, shaking his head and joining everyone else in glaring at Edward’s retreating form. I needed to get inside, though, because already one tear had snuck from my eye and the last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of everyone because Edward Cullen was a douche. Yes, a douche.
After all, Edward Cullen had, for all practical purposes, just told me to go kill myself. What do you do with that?”
Alice quickly grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the other stairs leading to the side entrance, mumbling, “I’m going to kill him. What a—Jasper, what is he thinking? Why would he say that?”
Jasper lifted his hands, “I don’t know. I really, really don’t know, Alice.”
Oddly enough, even Rosalie looked pissed. I had never really thought of her as compassionate towards me; she seemed to just tolerate my presence because of Alice and Emmett. As Alice began leading me up the stairs, though, she fell into step behind me, placing a dainty manicured hand on my back to keep me steady, and nodded to Emmett over her shoulder, “Go on, baby. We’ll forget he’s my brother for a bit. Go beat the shit out of him.”
Clearly furious, Emmett was off after Edward in a flash. James faltered between following him or following us and finally decided to leave Emmett to it, maybe thinking that going after Edward would only upset me more. Or maybe he felt guilty and wanted to see me safely inside the lodge before he followed suit. Whatever the case, watching Emmett catch up and enter the lodge only a second behind Edward, even though I knew he wasn’t actually going to beat him up . . . I really wished he would.
Seven Main Nine